That Impossible Dream

Joke premises I want retired:

• The weatherman is always wrong.
• Mexican food gives you diarrhea.
• Chinese food leaves you hungry an hour later.

Get to work people.

“Isaiah! It’s been a while.  What you been up to?”

Nothing really. I tweet a lot.  Is that interesting?

“No.  Anything else?”

Well I did have one thing.  The other day, I was making up a fairy tale in my head (as I do from time to time.  It’s not WEIRD! Okay! Stop thinking that!), and I came up with, what I think, is a great idea for a fairy tale character: The Fairy Tale Prince who’s REALLY afraid of what an uprising will mean for his chances to be King.

“But Isaiah, what does that even mean?”

If you’d shut up, I’ll tell you.  Basically, he is a Prince who loves the life his family’s royalty has afforded him, but isn’t so naive that he doesn’t see that his dad is a fucking dick whose actions will cause an uprising.

“Okay…”

Shut the fuck up, I’m not finished.  So he frequently travels outside of his family’s castle and into their kingdom, and he tries to survey the townspeople to see: where they stand on an uprising, how passionate they are about the thought of an uprising, how close they think the other townspeople are to calling for an uprising…stuff like that.  He’s really panicky and self-conscious too.  Not at all Princely. Plus, since he’s kind of ignorant to peasant life (being a Prince and all), he doesn’t realize that visiting the poor townsfolk in his fancy stage coach and wearing his royal garb will only alienate them further.

“Where is this going?”

I don’t know! It was a character idea, not a story idea! That’s all I have so far.

“Seems kind of stupid.”

THAT’S THE POINT! DON’T YOU GET US BY NOW!?!

“Seems kind of stupid.”

FUCK YOU!

“WHAT? FUCK YOU!”

EAT IT!

“Whatever.”

I really hate you sometimes!

“You’ll get over it.”

You’re probably right.

“Don’t forget you got dishes tonight.”

Oh, fa sho.  Good looking out.

“Aaaaannddd scene.”

This one time when I was 12, I visited my grandparent’s house. They didn’t live in a bad neighborhood, but they lived next to a bad area. While I was there, I went to the neighborhood liquor store to buy some candy, and I was wearing these new Nikes that I got because they looked nice and they were really cheap compared to the newer Nikes that were out. While I was browsing, some black kids around my age came in (I note that they were black because 1. They were and 2. I’m racist), and one of them pointed at my shoes and said, “Haha! Look at those old ass Griffeys!” And all I could think was “At least I don’t live in the ghetto.”

And I did just THINK that. 12 year old me wasn’t about to get beat up because someone insulted my Griffeys. I’d do that NOW though because he’s a legend. RIP Ken Griffey Jr.